Insignificant Significances

-i want to think how i will do things differently if today was my last day-

-i want to write three long letters to dad, mum and feli-

-i want to ride on a white stallion, feel it’s strong muscles as we gallop along wide plains or green fields, let the wind brush off every tickle on my face, just us two-

-i want to lie awake staring up into the dark to find stars twinkling down on me, to listen to the insects creaking, water lapping and my feet covered with sand, filling gaps between my toes-

-i want to wake up to a golden red ray of baked orange sun peeking at the world and i want to just sit and stare-

-i want to wear white shorts and big shades, go on a yacht or a cruise into the deep blue. the wide open, to gaze into nothingness, just blueness and sunlight-

-i want to sit with my legs crossed on my bed to write on a square piece of paper how everyone i’ve met made an impact on me or even the slightest impression they gave me and fold them in cute heart shapes then store them in a brown box tied with red ribbon-

-i want to be serenaded by my sweetheart-

-i want to fly to china and have a picture taken at the great wall, to take a stroll along the lakes and say hello to the mountains-

-i want to cradle any puppy that comes my way-

-i want to learn how to bake pineapple tarts in heart shapes and store them in a stained glass-

-i want to soak in water until i get sick of the wetness and cold then run into the arms of my mum with a warm blanket and a hug so tight i become out of breath-

-i want to go on a hot air balloon trip up in the sky with beautiful melodies playing still-

-i want to taste sweet,sour,salty,bitter and spicy all at once-

-i want to be significant-

-i want to be remembered in the sweetest memories, etched deeply in the minds of my loved ones-

-i want to watch from above and see how the world looks like-

-i want to be held, be cradled, be piggied back, be pulled and be stroked-

-i want to live, love and laugh everyday of my life-

-i want myself to know that i am the one that will make this happen-

That Flicker

dreams can be good for us for they allow us to go beyond what is present.

with a little faith, we can all go a long way.

master your dreams but don’t make dreams your master.

have a little faith in yourself.

everything will be alright.

new year, new beginnings.

we don’t have to change things we have no control of.

we don’t have to be a different person to make a difference.

all it takes is a different perspective.

it can never be too late to have resolutions.

this year, i want to be happy.

the state of existence is not just being.

it is embracing.

tonight, the story unfolds.

and i will be the character, narrator and author.

Curls

instead of straight and silky, i have curls now.

soft and bouncy?

Dreams

love. catch me if you can.

can you hear me from across the ocean?

from beneath the sky.

i wish we could sit and stare.

i would hold you dear

if i could,

to say the least maybe,

i shall see you another time

around.

like water droplets, it is pure.

like tonight, it is still.

like me, it is mysterious.

and i, like it that way.

surprise, i am out of the blue.

Of Food and Smiles

gahhhh. exams are a killer. ohhh why why why. anyway, unexpected things do  happen but it’s unfortunate that the level of questions were different compared to past years. after chem paper, we were so stressed out that us girls decided to go for a massage in uptown. i was about to head home but decided to join em’ since my day was pretty much fouled by the mistaken chem. arghhh. so foolish. can’t take it any further, so yeah. here comes food. and being piggish.

so, kahshin drove mel and me to bangsar village as she craved for her edamame. however, it was out of stock that day. how saaaaaaaaaaaaad. she couldn’t accept the fact that it’s unavailable and wondered if it’s possible for her to buy a packet of frozen ones and send them to the kitchen to prepare. talk about spontaneity!

then mel suggested we have san terri for dessert! according to jian, it’s really nice. the deal for the day is that we shall explore food and not worry about anything. it’s a free night! or at least so we declared.

i had green tea cake! so-called bestseller. yum! definitely worth it, texture is nice, not too sweet though the flavour of the green tea is a little overwhelmed by the cream. nevertheless, still good for me.

look at their faces. bliss and orgasmic. hahahaha. i am unfortunately cropped out. all kahshin’s fault. lol.

and then guess what? we headed to jalan alor from bangsar with the help of mel’s gps and a walking gps. arrived in like ten to fifteen minutes. tried to find the eating spot. found it and we were looking left and right, amazed at the amount of food available at our disposal. well, errr not really.

grilled fish at jalan alor. not the best but still alright. fish is fresh, that’s good. but we waited for so long for it to be served. mel was about to scream. hahaha.

wong ah wah bbq chicken wings. much awaited! and results? i think it’s yummylicious though kinda oily. but yeah, it’s bbq chicken wings, how else can it be? mel was the winner, fastest and cleanest. and i’m obviously the loser, with the wing flying away from the plate. lol. i’m terrible at these.

and this made my day. a gift i shall always remember. at the end of the day, we’re all simple, simple people. regardless of the amount of chromosomes or how different we all are. we’re just one.

a free night indeed. thanks guys.

Stillness In A Ripple

life is great if you surround yourself with greatness. if you think of greatness, can you be great?

i guess reality and perceived reality are two separate different things.

but don’t you think sometimes two very distinguished matters can be so much the same that it scares you to know the truth? like living and dying. we never have a say in both. and why? both require as much courage and will. foolish those who ignore. little those who avoid. face it in your face and put on a fake smile-courage?

like a clock that goes round and round, the thoughts continue. like a choo choo train it goes on and on. will i ever break that circle? contemplations. predictions. expectations. all flowing in motion. give it a thought. what do you live for?

to question is to grow.

live. love. laugh.

that’s the way it is.

Eve

hello people!

it’s christmas today and hope you guys have a merry one. this christmas is something different, not quite what i expected. so much more was supposed to happen but there has been changes. promises unkept.

furball and i had a lot of fun though.

here’s a preview…

the original babi and the fatass babi.

we were sooo productive. haha.

Starry Starry Night

when will i ever find it?

i never really cared until i met you.

the stars were twinkling and the breeze was alive.

i was numb with emotion. yet i smiled. felt like we were watched from above.

staring into the dark open sky, trying hard to think of nothing.

for a moment, everything was perfect.

i pray you’ll be my light and watch where i go.

in times where i don’t know, let this be my prayer,

lead me to a place, to a place where i’ll be safe.

i can live forever in this.

Another Sleepless Night

it’s almost 4 am and my eyes are wide open. listening to buble’s tunes. lovely and melodious as ever. makes the world go round. being back at home is relaxing and feels very laid back. the town seems smaller now. there isn’t much to do. isn’t anywhere else to go. yet it is here where i grew up. the memories remain. each place i visit, the film rolls like a playback. like pictures in an album, they make me smile. such innocence.

many times my mind travel back to that house. the one in the corner, sometimes windy, sometimes hot in the noon. the living hall where i used to nap, the battlefield where we fought. that old tv screen still sitting there, reminding us that some things never change. it is us who changed. i hear from a distance the old chinese tunes on a sunny day. the neighbour’s dog barking and the carefree me. no one said a word about tomorrow. it is the present. now, that matters. i used to enjoy going outside picking up little fallen mangoes and pile them up in a sack. such simple joy. that tall shady tree. that childhood memory. the tree has been fallen now. yet, i still remember. nights where rain and wind never fail to visit. every mid autumn festival. glowing candles all lit up in between the grills of the gate. uncle would be so pissed. never did we care. of course, we were kids. drawing on sand. writing and scribbling. they made me happy. and they still do now.

i’ve always wanted to grow up. now i’m not so sure. being a kid isn’t such a bad idea after all. but then again, who are we to decide?

some people say that life’s a journey, not a destination.

i think life’s a decision.

loving and living is a decision we make.

everything else fall somewhere in between.

i wanna be home. with myself.

love. merry christmas and may we all cheer to a blessed year ahead.

Living

everyday we rise and do the same. everyday we rise and set. like the sun, it rises and sets. day after day and tomorrow still. is it different each time? strive for progress is human nature to simply assume. yet can there be progression without regression in other ways? are we even the same person after each conversation? then it depends on how much is extracted from that tiny bit. do you believe that a thought can last a lifetime? i choose to live in memories and cherish the past, rejoice in the present. sometimes, there has to be a limit to everything. we can be free in our thoughts and mind but reality is, there is always an end to something. sometimes, you just have to give up and stop dreaming. be real and practical, open your eyes and your heart. search for what you lack but  look, and grasp what you have with you. acceptance, contentment, fulfillment. the key is believing. conviction within yourself. if you believe you can, you already won half the battle. thoughts jumble like a puzzle and they do not seem to fit. but they’re all there. and they belong the same.

i look up and ahead. a row of lights remain there. with every blink, there seem to be a ray. all glowing like the road ahead. long and sure. so many stops. and detours. the things that i will do and the people that i shall meet. the person that i will become and the life that i will have. and i determine it all. can i really do it well and not screw anything up? i’ve always lived by doing the right thing. eating the right food. thinking right. feeling right. and being right. i’m afraid at times that things won’t be right at all times and i’m so used to have nothing go wrong that when it really does, i will feel so lost. it has yet to occur but the woman i love most tells me people make mistakes. we all will. sometimes, we all are mistakes. haha. but we get up and learn. we bounce back. and i shall live by that. after all what are detours for. i shall not be afraid to try. holding back too much can be suffocating. having said so, at this point i have not anything to decide upon. and if there ever is, i will always be that brave lil’ girl. some of us are afraid of growing up. i think i’m learning.

love you all.

life is a mystery.