i believe

my legs crossed at 7.30 pm. the ground is suddenly such a comfort. and the screen seems so bright. the prayer is playing in the background. how apt at this time in my life. i do believe that praying is a means of calming oneself. whether or not god really exists is a different story altogether. but what i do believe is, there is a supreme power. and in each of us, there is a spiritual room to satisfy and praying helps. a sense of guide and direction. my mind is numbed by the decibels her voice is reaching. celine dion is such a godsend.

‘needs to find a place. guide us with your grace’

these past few weeks have been crazy. maybe i’m at that juncture again. you know where you feel like your soul is not completely at peace. like i need to reset my priorities and focus on what i really want. it’s so hard to explain but i know i’ll feel better after putting it in words. have been thinking about home, mocks, my room, things to complete and to top it off unis and stuff. i know it’s still early but i am that sort who plans ahead. sometimes too much way ahead. and some people say it’s bad when you plan all the time that you forget to live the present.

i think it correct to say that the past week drained me. my energy and emotions. fret not, i’m so much better now. thanks to charity, friends, mum and dad, a visit to the buddhist temple and a few classes of literature. i asked the monk, how do we end suffering or suffer less? do we not care about it? since people do agree that when you put your heart and soul into something, you feel the consequence so badly if it does not meet your expectations. instead if you just be and let things happen, making sure not to feel happy or sad about it, things will just BE. but he shook his head and said no. we have to care about it. think about it. don’t dwell on the past because suffering happens to everyone. believe in yourself and practise good karma.

living is not about doing everything right, so we make some mistakes, have our share of pain and tears. sometimes we need to learn to relax and simply enjoy the flow of feelings.

for a change, follow your heart and not the wisdom of your mind.

Quickie II

hello people, tomorrow is a friday and then it’s the weekends! how time flies. felt like i just came back from penang though it’s been 2 weeks. i wanted to say so much but then my draft was somehow eaten up. by wordpress. gahh. angry face. cos now i can’t remember or write it the same way again. blehh.

that aside, i’ve not been doing anything too new. same ol’ me. mocks are approaching next month and it’s time to be a nerd. a very nerdy nerd. lol. which doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. i really hope to do well and especially since this is the first external exam for the first semester.

hmm, hum dee dumm. just contented for now.
gotta go to bed now and will update properly soon.
omg, mosquitoes!!! please, go a.w.a.y now!

-take me to an island now-

Not So Secret Getaway

will be away for a couple days. off to penang. AFSers getaway! in a secret island. LOL. excited and hopefully it will be great! stay tuned for photos, loads of em’ since cheryl asked if i would be the official photographer for the camp. i am so glad she asked, i’d love to do just that. :)
i’m tired right now and will be going to bed soon. but obviously some texting first and then maybe do a few math questions and it’s hello dreamland!

Tomorrows

hmm i think the week is passing by very quickly. if i shall say so, don’t you think? or perhaps by saying that it is, it actually will. *laughs* anyway, i only have two classes tomorrow which is precisely why wednesdays and fridays are my favourite! there’s also this child development psychology club thingy that’s having its AGM tomorrow so i think i’ll probably be attending it. i’m not sure if i should since i joined quite a few clubs already but i’ll just go and check it out. good idea?

err i don’t know what else to say cause nothing much happened except that classes are okay. trying to love the subjects even more so that they’ll love me too and give me an A. lol. i’m joking! exams are in 3 months and i think it’s good to start studying now. you know this whole thing is so new, so…

october is coming! and i can hardly believe that we’re entering the last few months of the year! seriously, it really flew by this year. maybe because i wasn’t here for the first half. but, really. october and november is gonna be crazy with malaysian studies and moral studies cos then i’ll have classes straight from 8am to 7pm! without breaks in between, oh noesssss. sigh, two whole months of that crap.

"I went to the brink many times. A couple of times I thought

'I'm gone. This is it.' But then you would just keep working.

I think if you're close to the brink and just make sure that

you work twice as hard and put twice as much effort into

everything and the people around you and everything, you

should come through."

-- Gerry Harvey--

Quickie

so, the week is over and it’s back to regular classes. everyone is back unlike classes on thursday and friday which seemed quite empty. yesterday was also the end of HELP MUNC. it certainly met my expectations and it’s a new experience for me. i think the organising committee did a very good job and i’d like to thank them for their efforts :)

nothing much, just a short update. i have a lot on my mind, thinking about sorting some things out or maybe it’s just me trying too hard or worrying too much. anyway, that’s besides the point. blogging is suppose to release my stress and express myself through words, photos and whatnot. so, here goes. just some pictures to share.

isn’t this cute? it’s suppose to flip and flap up and down for the leaves part and the flower is suppose to go right and left. but, apparently it’s not doing it’s so called job in calming my soul because it isn’t exposed to enough sunlight.

this is gonna be the first year that i’ll celebrate mooncake festival alone :( jelly mooncake is my preferred choice because it’s lighter in texture and taste. personally i feel the authentic flavoured mooncakes are enjoyable with tea but since i want to have more servings, i prefer just munching away jelly mooncakes. lol.

first ever MUN by HELP. secretary generals are jonathan yong and james yap.

a newbie’s experience.

first day formal wear. when i was much younger, i always fancied working in an office because i thought the corporate ladies looked so awesome in their attire. hahaha.

the first day was basically spent lobbying and coming up with a resolution.

jia yu and jia yi. haha. she’s a fellow SASA-rian too :)

day 2 was the longest day ever from 8 in the morning till 7 at night. the HRC discussed about crisis in honduras and nicaragua and the very ‘interesting’ topic of halting of persecution against homosexuals and the promotion of their rights. it’s definitely the longest ever i have been involved in a homo discussion. before i went to bed, words like hetero, homo, delegates, amendment, striken out and etc kept ringing in my head. omg. homotopia. LOL.

enough is said.

third and final day outfit.

delegate of rwanda from DISEC giving his speech on the peacekeeping troops resolution. plenary session was interesting as it neared the end cos there was a very constructive debate on the homo resolution. in the end, the homo reso was passed despite it being inconclusive of what kind of policy should the muslim nationd adopt seeing as to homosexuality is prohibited in the syariah law. that said, it’s a good reso.

Sierra Leon, New Zealand and Lebanon. we’re still learning the ropes to MUN-ing.

djibouti! the most attractive female delegate in HRC.

Mexico, New Zealand, Korea and Venezuela! notice the height increase lol. mere coincidence!

hahah, ilyana looks so cute here.

that’s all for now and i’m gonna go rest and do my math work and study chemistry. so much for mondays :(

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're
supposed to help you discover who you are."

-- Bernice Johnson Reagon--

Yes?

currently listening to ‘whole again’ by atomic kitten. not the latest song but somehow i fell in love with the rhythm. the lyrics are really meaningful, well at least to me. today is tiring for me seeing that the first day of HELP MUNC lasted till about seven at night. luckily, i didn’t have to walk home like i usually do, all thanks to casey the gorgeous! thank youuu.

some days when i feel slightly down, i click on the play button and then re-click again on others. the musical tunes instantly lift my spirits up. even if it’s boom boom pow or whole again. hah! i’m so easily pleased. is that a good thing?

do i like my life now? yes.

is there anything that can be improved? yes.

am i doing all the right things? yes.

yes, i want this to happen.

yes, i think i know i am right.

yes, i want to believe i am not wrong.

gahh i am so bored and found this webcam thingy!

okay, smile properly this time.

hmm how’s life if i were a bunny? hop hop!

-white blouse credits to stasya for allowing me to borrow it, thanks!-

Gahhhhhh

i don’t know what to write about but i still feel like writing something. i’m feeling that slight laziness now. however, i cannot be lazy! laziness they say is the one sickness without cure. i think i’m just feeling stressed out. somehow, i don’t know why. gahhh, someone, loosen me  up or entertain me! exhaleeeeeee. i think it’s one of those days. where you just feel like blah!

-it doesn’t matter anyway-

Fionavolution

i am back home now, enjoying my break. also re-discovering certain things. that kuantan is extremely hot and humid but who’s to blame? quite annoyed by the non existence of wireless connection at home. but i’m glad i’m home to be with my family after quite a period of time. here i am, blogging from the new computer at home and as i was going through my old files, i thought i should post up some since i don’t have them with me in my laptop. obviously they are pictures of me and only me. some sort of fiona-volution from age 1 till 18. haha. cos i always always wondered and asked my mum how she thought i would look like when i’m 16 or 18. now i know.

LOL. okay, maybe not just me.

at just one month of age. even as a little baby girl, i have a very big squarish head! haha.

i don’t seem to mind though. err not a very cute baby but still fairly adorable right?

only 4 months of age and as proven even when i was very much younger, i look serious. i am a serious looking baby! woot hahaha. and mum said i was always very quiet and never complained much at all. still quite me i guess.

yays. 1 year old now. i still have that towel! and i am not posing for the camera! just caught in action.

wow. i just realised as i grow older my cake is shrinking. LOL.

i didn’t have enough time to scan the remaining 9873290 pictures, so let’s fast forward 15 years later and this is me at 16 years of age putting power outage *is that the correct term* to good use. haha.

same age. putting after study time and before bedtime to full use. LMAO just because i got a new phone with built in camera i took like tonnes of pic even in pajamas.

and then there’s a phase where i only smiled with teeth showing in pictures. seriously i just realized this. so many ‘phases’. and then now i can’t smile like this anymore. it’s not the same!

until i realised hmm maybe i want to look more demure and ‘neutral’. so i revert back to old me. and got stuck with that till today.

in 2008 i had a lot of act cool moments

i also love sleeping and taking photos of myself a lot more that time and this is one of them. and the only makeup i knew how to put on was eyeliner. black eyeliner all over and that’s it.

because i look so cheery and young.

and then i had too much free time and decided that i would cut my hair short cos i thought it would be a good change. but then it turned out to be a disaster! and my hair grew in all directions after that. no more straight nice hair. my mum didn’t like that at all.

about a few months later, hair grew to this length and shape.

then i had fringe for a while because i thought i would look nice with it. well, maybe not.

then i decided i was gonna get rid of my fringe and then before i left for the states, i cut my hair leaving it hanging slightly below shoulder length and rebonded.

said hair as of dec 08

and then somewhere in feb 09 my fringe grew longer after a long wait. fringe look less retarded.

hair still about the same length and fringe is pinned up cos it’s really annoying me. had more time in hands rather than cramming for spm, so youtube videos helped me learn how to put on makeup which i enjoy doing now. discovered that makeup is so cheap in US so i bought my very own first mascara there. HAHA.

yay, my fringe was much longer and i can do more things to my hair. haha.

noobie, first time curling my hair. my family all think that straight looks nicer. but my friends seem to like it hahaha. oh well, guess my skills are not there yet.

somewhere around end of june, nothing much just longer in length. i miss my nails!

july, the day we left america :( saddddd still can smile though hahaha.

august 2009, somehow i look much older LOL

sept 09, haha looks innocent without makeup-lazy!

so, there you have it my so-called evolution. thank goodness i don’t look like a boy now! LOL

Balik Kampung #1

my utmost apologies for having abandoned this for quite some time. i guess i needed time to sort out other stuff and everytime i wanted to update, something else came up and there it goes again. futile attempt. argh, pisses me to quite a degree as i really wanted to blog about so many things at that time. i wonder if i can still recall what i wanted to blog about. precisely that very moment. it’s not the same, once the moment is gone, the feeling and mood is different and therefore i don’t feel like writing about it already. sigh. such is the life.

but, fret not. i shall think of new fresh topics! hehe. *thinking*

these few weeks, i’ve been relatively occupied with college, events and activities. also my travelling home in between sort of took up some of my time. though it’s not that faraway, travelling is still travelling. can’t do that much to make my time spent in the car productive seeing that my motion sickness thingy is still quite there. stubborn.

my previous trip home, i went to the temple, one which i’ve never visited and took quite a few shots.

the dragons are so colourful and the whole ambience was like…

i like how cute they look.

source of fire for joss sticks.

the way up the temple. real steep!

feli and i. hehe so cute.

mummy and daddy. love you guys.

one of the days when i was back home, mum brought us out for lunch and just to spend some time together since i don’t live with them any longer. i really appreciate them doing things, anything really for me now.

at johnny’s having some thai noodle with feli and mummy* happy*

secret recipe’s chocolate indulgence, yummy but still not quite there somehow.

us at secret recipe. b/w photos are classic!

playing with smile shutter at home while watching feli bounce around with her new exercise ball.

most of the days, i surfed the net for recipes to try out and to my surprise and everyone else’s the dishes all came out brilliant which was why my sis and i decided to host daddy’s 50th birthday party. we volunteered to cook and invited about 18 people to celebrate. mum was almost certain we couldn’t pull it off and was very reluctant about having the gathering but we persuaded her. plus, our relatives were all very excited and anxious to try out my dishes. newly aquired skills, haha.

so, there goes, we planned the menu which we thought would be a change of taste and appetising for all. we included mango sorbet for dessert and also went to secret recipe and purchased chocolate indulgence! feli wanted nothing else except for chocolate and my dad didn’t mind a bit, so there you have it.

the cake looks so pretty here.

family photo. we should have more!

three cup chicken, a dish which originated in taiwan.

my dad’s fav gung po chicken.

thai coconut chicken a.k.a tom kha gai. love the flavour and texture. very aromatic and appetising!

marmite pork! pork, pork, pork! that’s what they literally said, haha.

hakka asam pork. the most attacked dish of the night!

chinese herbal tea eggs that we simmered for like 10 hours.

honey lemon grass chicken. we invented this recipe haha.

steam tofu with ground pork and dried shrimp

refreshing mango sorbet with sweet mango toppings!

daddy and i on the couch. i like this picture, so sweet hehe.

i think for the most part of it, this post is quite done. my memory is kinda failing me and if there’s more, updates are sure to come. stay tuned!

toodles

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver
five minutes longer."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson--

Missing In Action

sorry for not updating in a while. i promise i’ll be back very soon cos right now i’m soaking up all the homey-ness i can and also because i don’t have wireless connection at home i can’t go online and post that often. i have a few posts to blog about. anyway, fasting month is here already-can’t believe time flies by so quickly and to those who are having their holidays, have fun and enjoy your break!

i’ll see ya’ll soon.

those were the days