the year that the dragon will unleash its fury?

well, we all don’t know. only god knows. i don’t want to know either. i shall let this lunar year mark the first of 2012 and remind myself to be more patient, tolerant, understanding and less sensitive. perhaps, the best hypothesis of the year would be the lesser the expectations, the lesser the disappointments, that being said the control variable should remain a secret. haha!

my nails are freshly painted, but what else is fresh?

i was just thinking, and yes i know over thinking causes problems that don’t exist in the first place. so…i was just thinking about how everyone is busy ushering in the first day of the lunar calendar. they deck out in brand new clothing, don on their best apparels and put on the brightest smiles. surely, you must have done that? somehow, there’s a certain monotony to this whole occasion, which must be the reason why they call it tradition.

i am not sure why exactly, but i am not feeling the atmosphere. yet.

i guess i shouldn’t be blaming the occasion. it’s more of that monthly timing,

perhaps?

if only i could be a switch, turn on and turn off in just a few seconds. i don’t know…i just feel far…far…away, from this realm of existence. i guess everyone just wants to feel needed, feel special.

Happy Dragon Year everyone and may the new year shower you with opportunities and blessings in any way they should appear!

sometimes, it feels like an itch lying around somewhere but not knowing exactly where it is.

so, here i am after itching for thus long, sitting cross-legged facing this 14″ wide-screen laptop typing albeit quite slowly. why did it take me this long? what’s with the hiatus for 5 months?

looking at my posts; wrote a few in january and then june and now it’s november?!

so, let’s see…so many things have happened. in so  many different and unexpected ways. in all seriousness, although i find myself repeating this very too often in my mind, things really have taken a spin in the opposite direction.

i thought i was going to go abroad for studies. well, guess what? i’m very much grounded and pursuing my degree locally.

i thought of working part-time at an office doing administrative work. but, guess what? i ended up working with lovely kids at a kindergarten!

i thought i was going to read medicine/psychology at some point and guess what? daaaang…i’m in banking & finance now :)

“I guess God has better plans for me.” that’s what people always say when they meet with drastic changes.

lastly, i thought i was going to enter uni and enjoy campus life as well as meet ‘someone’. but, guess what, no surprise…i met someone way before entering uni. well, not way before i should say just before!

it’s a wonder how things turned out. and a beautiful one at that. right now, life is great.

i am happy as can be and i can’t ask for more. but, as they always say; the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement. so holding on to that phrase, i will march forward with great optimism, a dash of realism and always with idealism. fingers crossed. will talk more in the coming posts :) see you soon guys! thanks for reading, i’m off to bed now!

i just prefer it that way. i guess solitude really clarifies.

i can’t write in a cluttered environment.

i like the lake, the beach, the waterfall, the skies, a green wide open space accompanied with nice music. and by nice i mean slow, melodic, pleasing to the ears and meaningful lyrics. i don’t really know why  but i guess somethings could be innate. perhaps it has something to do with personality and upbringing or whatsoever, i wouldn’t really know unless i do some in depth research on it which i have no intention to at the moment. many things interest me. but they all don’t interest me in the same way. kind of like i have a different compartment for each liking. weird. but that’s almost how i feel. i love a few things. i don’t love easily. i don’t know. am i a difficult person? no. yes. sometimes, maybe?

you see. i am not. but, i can be. only if i want to. so i’m a little of both. a bit of a realist and idealist. a dreamer and a doer. how? i love both black and white too. hahaha. i’m driving myself nuts writing this, thinking….”what? are you going to love and hate the same person in the future?” well, i wouldn’t rule that out, after all life is made out of opposites; pull and push; success and failure; good and evil; male and female. but hey! there’s always something in between which may be worth exploring. think about it. between love and hate, isn’t there a huge space in between?

my apologies, i don’t know if i’m even making any sense at all. but it’s worth noting that opposites aren’t always a negative thing. and how did i even get here? anyhow, here goes my random thought on a thursday noon before having lunch. my first pre-lunch blog post.

hahahahaha, lame i know.

the first sentence from Taylor Swift’s ‘Back To December’ perfectly captures my feelings at this moment and i just feel like putting this down in words.

it’s simple yet charming. surprising yet comforting. a mix of everything nice.

dub.dub.dub.

for the first time, i don’t really know what to say.

i guess this is what it really feels like.

I’m smiling without me knowing
My heart keeps on wanting you
Should I smile and hold you in my heart
Or hide you inside pretending not to care

I want to be a good guy for you
So that you can lean on me
I know well that it might not be comfortable
But that is a job for my heart

Thump. Thump. My thumping heart
I turn around to hide it
Love is helpless
The heart doesn’t move the way you want it to

No matter how hard I try to suppress it
I am missing again
I think I’m going to love her

From time to time I become afraid
Because it feels like it isn’t mine
Love is helpless
The heart doesn’t move the way you want it to

No matter how hard I try to suppress it
I am missing again
I think I’m going to love her

I love…I love you
Maybe this tearful happiness is love
No matter how hard I try to stop
It doesn’t happen
I love you
I will only love you

though i have yet to fully understand the depths of this song, the meaning behind these words and i doubt i will, i really like the lyrics of this song. there seems to be a kind of genuine and sincere feeling from listening to it. of course, it’s originally in Korean and this version has been translated. anyway, hope you’ll find it refreshing from the usual ‘if i said i want your body now, would you hold it against me’ type of distasteful lyrics. btw, it’s the official soundtrack for the drama i’m currently watching with mum ‘My Fair Lady’.

CR: http://yuyaindou.blogspot.com

will talk soon!

freedom anyone?

hehehehehe. i can’t wait to see mum, dad and hachi! EXCITED!!!

dad’s coming down to pick us, wonder what would he say about the amount of stuff i have.

hmm…i hope everything goes well. bought new clothes for chinese new year yays!

nothing showy, i’m glad they’re all quite toned down this year, new wardrobe!

can’t waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait to get back to small town kuantan haha and be all aimless and lazy.

not.

i’ll be good, i’ll do good things, i promise!

i want to start anew! things now are so-

yawn.

don’t ever degrade yourself or think less of yourself when everything seems to crumble on you because at the end of the day you have no one to please but yourself, at least for now. open up your eyes and heart to the people and the world around you. this exam is just a phase in your life. it’s not a be all and end all. so what if you did badly? really, so what? all that matters is you’ve done it without regrets. all that matters is that you can live with it for the years to come. after all they always say, the hardest thing to do is always the right thing to do. this statement works if you apply it sensibly in the right context. okay, i know i’m boring but whatever. it’s a note to self anyway.

BANGS, TO STAY OR NOT TO STAY?