Disorientated

warning: this post might be a little disorientated because that’s exactly how i feel right now. i don’t have a main focus here. it’s just my thoughts, and if you don’t already know, i can be random.

as i sit here, typing this, i could almost feel what it’s like to be leaving. i have always been the sort of person who holds on, be it lifeless objects or people around me. maybe i’m clingy. i don’t know. but it’s just harder to let go for some people. and maybe, just maybe i fall into that group of people. i’m that sort who remembers every detail. perhaps, i have a photographic memory. i remember things in such detail it scares me. is it just me or is everyone else out there experiencing the same thing here? tell you what, i could even remember the shape of a fish my babysitter cooked for me when i was about one and a half year old. to confirm this, i asked my mum about the fish. haha, and it’s true. that was the fish she gave to the babysitter. it’s suppose to be my very nutritious meal, but she didn’t freakin’ feed me that. how evil of her.

i don’t exactly know why this disorientation and i can’t pinpoint the exact reason why i’m feeling so much about this. to some of us, it’s just being away for half a year. but being the me that i am, i tend to look at it from a different perspective. i digest what i hear, feel and see very sensitively and i start think beyond what i will go through. i think. i am always thinking. and sometimes, it’s hard for me to put my thoughts into words. i’m trying here but it just feels not right. like there’s a broken link between what i really feel, my thoughts and what i’m typing. something’s missing and i don’t know what is.

i’d be leaving in 5 days and it feels so surreal. from the moment i watched disney’s cinderella when i was 5 in the living room upstairs in my old old house, i’ve always wanted to travel to america. it has always been that way. i watched cinderella 5 times before returning the dvd to the store, by the way. haha, i’m such a kid. oh yeah, speaking about kids, i seriously believe that every now and then we should all be kids. the naivete that kids possess is just such a fresh ‘detour’ from our usual boring, mundane life.

life feels so good now. probably because school’s out and i’ll be going to america. how cool can that get? very cool right? haha…let me just soak myself in all this goodness. i’m so happy now, i’m smiling to the screen. how silly! maybe it’s because i’m finally going to the place i’ve always dreamt of going to. and when i say my childhood dream has been fulfilled, i mean it, literally! maybe because i’m listening to michael learns to rock’s blue night. it’s so soothing. they’ve always been my favourite band. i guess my dad’s choice of music influenced mine. i think it’s a definite yes. once, when i was 5, i went on a cruise. it was a splendid vacation because you get to sleep on a double decker, eat good food, and most of all jump into a pool of balls!!! anyway, it was my birthday and i wanted a birthday song to be played. my dad told me to request for MLTR’s 25 minutes. i went over to the band and said i wanted 25 minutes and there you go, 25 minutes playing on my birthday when i was 5. imagine that, guys! i’m peculiar, huh?

sigh. i should really be sleeping now. but my eyes aren’t tired and i really don’t feel like wasting my precious time trying to force myself to bed. not a very good idea. i’m not sleepy, but i’m hungry now. i’m always hungry. don’t you think it’s such a waste of money? i should be doing my checklist to usa now. i’m very unsatisfied with this post cause it’s lousy. urgh. why is skype taking such a long time to download??? argh.

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Miss Fiona

January 2009
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she can be contacted at fiona91girl@hotmail.com
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